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If you have not heard, 2012 is expected to be a game changing year for our planet. Mayan Calendar does not go beyond 2012, leading many logical person to believe that civilization is just around the corner. Even if there is any justification for the insane rant all day on the Apocalypse the vast majority of humans are generally discouraged about this horrible prediction.
So is this really offer the apocalypse or just another Y2K?
I am not Maya, so I can say with certainty, however, the government spends much money as there is no tomorrow. [Insert RIM shot]
Here are some tips that the average person can use to prepare for the Apocalypse 2012.:
Step 1: Stop saving for retirement!
Instead of 401K provider to the rich who can live in the next two years, you stop contributing now. Take That "found" money and invest in activities and products that you thought we were crazy. For example, you could stop work on a Tuesday at random years, enjoying a little whiskey Sour, take the bus to the mall and have fun. Buy that new MP3 player, young fighter in the mall with a new fresh produce Nerve, while wearing a shirt under his Snuggie novelty funny? The Chinese do these things for our pleasure. It would be rude and offensive to their culture, if not silly.
ECONOMY Step 2: OUTPUT enrollment for your child
Once again, the logic is pretty obvious. If your child is currently in college or will attend in the next two years, must still tuition. Why deprive your child of a group of 4 years if not necessary? Make sure your bundle of joy, not stress about grades and attendance in class. If your child is not college age, the flight of 529 counts and play the toy scene.
Step 3: QUIT BITING YOUR TONGUE
Time is limited, so you have nothing in return. Let people know who are rude when they are online and you heard her talk on cellular phone. Leave a message for waking state representative. Send to a teenager to pull up his pants and tie his shoes. Remove the drivers move to right lane or too much shade.
Step 4: Do not put EXTENDED WARRANTY
They say the sales representative that the recent purchase becomes inflamed due to an explosion site in two years, and can not be justify the extra expense. (remember to buy Snuggie) If that does not leave the height of its sales, mentioned that it is simply buying the product to stimulate the economy and are planning to take a sledgehammer to the product once you get home. Since you can not take a hammer to ensure that prefer to send their tempting offer.
Step 5: sin, repentance, REPEAT
Consider the year 2011 as the day "Before making a plan." It is the year that Super Size the value of food, Let It Ride All Network, curse like a sailor and lying your ass off. Throw in some names to be cautious and repeat.
Step 6: stop using Twitter and Facebook
Again, time is precious and wherever they want to believe, no one gives a rat's tail you are, "thrilled by the long weekend or next week is "completely fed 2 2nite c avatar." Also, if your VCR repair business and local Buick dealer asks you to follow on Twitter and Facebook, not just cool.
Step 7: Do not buy any company saying that they are being GREEN
If the Earth's axis will be reversed in two years, why do you worry about your carbon footprint today? As Flavor Flav said, "Do not believe the hype." When most companies claim that what they really want going after the green in your wallet. Supermarkets are a prime example of how green I felt stupid. They made us buy food (which give freely), while at the same time to convince us that we are both saving the Earth. Promote the marketing of baby clowns beat them if they thought that was in vogue.
Step 8: Do not prepare survival shelter not
You should have a question. Would you rather be vaporized in a nanosecond, or trapped in a shelter stinky subterranean stream Survivors say: "I wonder what's going on up there?" Even if you have done and has emerged, do you really want be here to see all of this slaughter and processing straws to see who is the survivor dinner? It is better to go fast and go to the After Party at the sky. Or hell, If you take things too far in 2011.
Guy Bellefonte is a comedy writer and a regular contributor to My Pet Groundhog News. E-mail at guybellefonte@gmail.com.
you GO GIRL! Problem solving on the go
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